Aug 2nd Daily Entry -- Vibes

It's August and the vibes are off. People are grouchy--yelling at each other on the street, over the phone, in elevators. Everyone is in each other's way. Nothing's working.

I started this journal entry a few times yesterday, and it kept erasing itself, so I gave up and went home. The whole park smelled like portable toilet anyway.

It's interesting to note when the vibes are off, because I think it's a real phenomenon. If enough people believe in something, it becomes real. At the very least it becomes an accepted truth, whether real or not.

If enough people are feeling bad, the feeling pervades, doesn't it? It spreads. Like an emotional virus.

The woman in the elevator today was scared, tired, and grumpy. She yelled at her kids for complaining, even though really they were just asking why they had to wear masks. Then she yelled at everyone else for not wearing masks because she was tired, and she didn't feel great, and she wanted other people to feel her unpleasant emotions.

She did this because she didn't have the energy or resources for emotional regulation, so she dysregulated at strangers. She felt badly because she was out of control. She couldn't control her world, or the behaviors of others, or her children. And this lack of control made her uncomfortable.

But remember that control is an illusion, and when we let go of the illusion, life gets easier.

I am not in control of that woman's behavior. I am not in control of the weather or my body. Anything could happen. But it hasn't happened yet, and therefore I don't need to worry about it. The future is unknown for all of us, but it will be fine. We can trust that, and rest in the knowledge.

I don't need to take on her anger or frustration or worry. I don't need to adopt it, nor do I need to combat it. I will let her feel as she wants to feel.

But for me, I will not be angry. I have the time and space to deal with my own emotions. And I will not be worried. Good and bad will happen, and I will move through it moment by moment.

I know I have not quite said what I came here to say. The vibes are off because people are tired and fearful. But I don't have to be part of it. And maybe by not being part of it I can contribute to a corrected vibe.