Jule 15 Daily Entry -- Conversation with the Cosmos

I sat beneath a tree (Gordon) and talked to the Cosmos.

"Help me," I said.

"What help do you need," said the Cosmos.

"I am afraid," I said.

"What is fear," said the Cosmos.

I thought about it for a long time. In one sense fear is a biological sensation. It happens when we believe that in the future there will be something undesirable--usually some form of pain, or perhaps death or loss.

Fear is often a result of our imaginations conjuring things that aren't happening in the moment.

Fear is the result of us labeling some aspects of our existence desirable and others undesirable. We strive for "good" things and avoid the "bad."

The Cosmos doesn't understand fear. To it there is no good and bad. Things simply are.

It does not fear the end of its existence, because the end of its existence is simply what happens. It is neither good nor bad. It is inevitable.

None of this helps me. My fear happens before I form my thoughts. I have experienced pain and sadness and loss before, so I fear it again. My body triggers my fear before my mind has made a choice. I forget about the times of peace and happiness and joy.

What if I think of nothing? What if I eliminate words and symbols and imagined futures? What if I insist upon it? I don't allow my mind to go to the future?

Screw the story of the ant and the grasshopper. It's bad advice.

Today can I choose to live in the sun? Can I appreciate my fortune, even if must live in delusion?

How lucky am I to be here today. How lucky am I that things are as good as they are.

If I can create a world of danger and terror, I can also create a world of delight.

None of this seems right. It all seems like tricks we play on ourselves and on others. It doesn't feel solid beneath my feet.

Today there were no answers. Perhaps tomorrow there will be.