May 31 Daily Entry -- Everyone was sad

I'm at the farm. The tall grass and towering pecans spread behind the house, all the way to the pond. There are woods on one side, a barn and fences on the other.

I am two years old. The grass is so tall I can barely see over it, and it prickles and itches where it touches me. Gretel, the miniature dachshund, is running somewhere near me in the grass, but I can't see her. She is small like me, and she gets swallowed up by the grass.

Everyone was sad, and then I made them happy. I smiled at them, and I sang, and played, and they loved it. And they loved me. And I loved them. And it was my job to make them happy.

But the job got harder as I got older. I couldn't keep them happy. They wanted things I couldn't give them. And sometimes I wasn't happy myself. And if I wasn't happy, how could I make them happy? And when that job ended, what was left? And if I failed, what would happen? Would they still love me?

It is an unreasonable expectation to feel happy all the time. And if you are trying to keep someone else happy all the time, that is an impossible task. You are doomed to failure.

There will be days that are gray. There will be headaches and stomachaches. There will be hunger and fatigue. There will be roofs that leak and toilets that break. There will be harsh words and rejection. There will be times you are treated unfairly. There will be loss.

All these things will happen, and you will feel sad and uncomfortable. It's okay. Let yourself feel sad and uncomfortable. That's what humans do.

All these things will happen, and others will feel sad and uncomfortable. It is not your job to make them happy. It is unreasonable to think they should be happy all the time. Let them feel sad. It is of no concern to you.

I miss the farm. I miss the days when it was so easy to delight someone, and to feel their love in return. I didn't know that wasn't permanent. I didn't know it wasn't about me.

You are not made to be something for someone else.