Thoughts on a Rock

I have this rock. It's a dark brown pumice stone shaped in a perfect oval, and it is covered in holes.

I put drops of paint in the holes of the rock. Later I pull the paint out with tweezers, just to enjoy the sensation of tugging the paint away from the rock, clearing away the paint.

It wasn't my idea. Somebody else did it first, but I thought it was a good idea to keep my hands busy, so I do it, too.

And as I was sitting the other day, pulling little wads of dried paint out of the holes in a rock, and piling those little wads of paint into bigger wads, I thought about what I was doing.

No one had assigned me the task of cleaning up the rock, and the task had no purpose. Yet I continued to perform the task.

Was it art? Well, it involved paint. I painted the rock. I pulled the paint off. I built the discarded paint into shapes, carefully placing the wads to form planes and angles. But perhaps it wasn't art. It wasn't something that I created to make a statement, celebrate beauty, or elicit feelings in others. Painting the rock and creating the paint shapes wasn't for anyone else. It was an act I did to please myself.

Was it a waste of time? Arguably no. The gentle, repetitive motion soothed me. The activity kept my hands busy while I let my mind wander.

Was it meditation? Maybe. Painting the rock, and pulling the paint away connected me to the present moment. It gave me something to focus on while I cleared my mind. It allowed me to just exist for a moment, with no task or objective whatsoever. Just enjoying the moment.

And I thought for a moment, "this is what it means to be human." I am being who I am. I am living in this moment, creating this thing--this shape, this life--that will not last and has no purpose. And I'm doing it just because it makes me happy.

In this moment, I don't have to have a purpose or a "passion in life." I don't have to be what anyone expects me to be or make sure I'm painting and pulling "the right way." I am human, and I am living and breathing, and in this moment, that is enough. I am here to have my experience of life, and that is all I am expected to do.